I don’t enjoy bedtime and I don’t know if I ever will…
I could actually rate it as my least favorite part of the day! Yeah, that’s what it is.
Usually, I operate from an almost empty tank, which does not set us up for success!
Not long ago, I used to go to bed with a regular famous mum-guilt, which definitely made it worse and didn’t let me rest comfortably!
Guilt to have rushed through it….”Okay guys it’s time for your PJs!” …“Let’s brush our teeth, come on, come on!”…“Sorry Mama is tired, so tonight only one quick story”! While I sing the bedtime song I would ask my daughter to be quiet so that her younger brother can fall asleep quicker. “Don’t move around otherwise I will have to ask you to leave the room until your brother sleeps!”
My boy half asleep: “Mama, I forgot Tigi downstairs, can you get him?”…I say: “Tigi is already asleep, we can’t wake him up now.” …My Boy: “You can Mama, you can!”… “FINE !” …Wide-awake, we start all over with my Lullaby and the head massage for the little prince! And not to forget, the longer it would take, the more my heart would race and the less my son would be able to find a comfortable position to go to sleep! A negative vibe for sure and a vicious cycle too! Fast forward 20 mins with my hand almost numb – THANK GOD, he just fell asleep! “Alright, my girl let’s cuddle for a minute so you can go to sleep!” She clearly didn’t seem ready to fit my expectation!
Before going to bed myself, I would as usual re-tuck them in, look at them, kiss them, and remember how much I adore them while that night I re-questioned myself: “Really? That’s how you operate on an almost empty tank?”…. My princess deserves a calm & connecting time too, to be able to go to sleep!” And I missed my time with her! Instead, I created a disconnect, stress and the biggest part was guilt.
It didn’t serve any of us nor did it make bedtime go by any faster – on the contrary!
I decided it couldn’t be a failure – No way!
So I sat down with myself….I knew I am good at structure, so that was not the issue. The routine itself wasn’t bad either…but the rush was! The stressful experience I had created for my kids and for myself that would give it such a negative emotional imprint! Repeated. Almost every night!
I started gradually.
I made sure I add a regular self-care routine for myself so that I don’t pour from an empty cup by the end of the day. Game changer! I organized our afternoon schedule in a way where dinner could happen earlier so bedtime could kick off on time. I reminded the kids that now would be the last opportunity to eat before the kitchen closes, so we avoid the excuses to be asking for food later on. They had time to play 30mins before we are mentally preparing for bedtime with the 5-2-1 minute countdown. I practiced with my daughter how to put on her PJs and brush her teeth by herself. WOW delegating can be self-care too!
I asked my son to choose the 3 toy animals he wanted to sleep with and stopped massages instead! I had a talk with my girl, where we agreed that I would put her brother to sleep first so that I can cuddle her for a little longer afterward.
Over two weeks, I guided her to transition from singing her to sleep towards letting her fall asleep while listening to her favorite audiobook. Bedtime was reduced by 30mins!
Recently I introduced bedtime routine cards, where we run through each step right before we kick-off, so the kids can visualize and follow the routine better. Plus it added a playful way too!
Today we are going to bed without stress, calmer, more loving, and most importantly without guilt!
Do I enjoy it? I would be lying if I said yes!
And after all, it’s the last bid of my long day, still requiring my energy, while there’s no way around it – But as I see, there’s a better way, and a more connected one too! Always with room for improvement.
How does your bedtime feel like for You?
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